Ashlee Simpson has been quoted for telling “Women’s Health” how sexy and fuckable her big sis Jessica is.

“My sister has an incredible body. I feel sorry for anyone who would judge her, because she’s one sexy lady.”

While I agree with her, I’m going to interpret that as if Ashlee wants to strap-on a dildo and fuck her sister silly. Which I think is a little odd, but who am I to judge?

I am completely disgusted by the headlines concerning my sister’s weight. A week after the inauguration and with such a feeling of hope in the air for our country, I find it completely embarrassing and belittling to all women to read about a woman’s weight or figure as a headline on Fox News.
All women come in different shapes, sizes, and forms and just because you’re a celebrity, there shouldn’t be a different standard.
Is this something you would say to your wife, daughter, mother, grandmother, or even a friend?
I seriously doubt it.
How can we expect teenage girls to love and respect themselves in an environment where we criticize a size 2 figure?
Now can we focus on the things that really matter.

Wait, is she implying Jessica is a size 2? NO no, that bitch is a size 6 now judging by those pictures.

Maybe even oh god no, a size 8. Either way, fat is fat and skinny is well skinny. Clearly the whole world is seeing the same thing I am. Except I am just brutal about it. Today its fatty day…

And of course a skinny bitch has to come to the rescue to save a fatty. Well listen up, why is it that a fat bitch is always friends with a skinny bitch? Because the skinny girl looks at the fat girl and says “thank god i don’t look like that monster, and the fat girl says “i know if i hangout with her, ill think i look prettier but i actually won’t ever look like that.”

God I am awful. Honesty at its finest.