Mariah Carey | Dickism

Its Official Suckers..Mariah Carey Nick Cannon Are One

So we’ve confirmed with multiple sources, TMZ Police, E, CNN, your mom, Mariah Carey is officially hitched to Nick Cannon. But here’s the deal. There are some people pitching a story to other blogs that Mariah married Mark Sudack, her co-exec producer on her new album. It ain’t true. People are jumping on this bandwagon to make a quick buck. Mariah is just dumb in this situation with no prenuptial and Nick, well hes the man thats gonna make out like a bandit in a threesome.

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Mariah Carey Got Married To Nick Cannon..No Pre-nup!

Now the New York Post confirms the story that the two got married over the weekend and this is probably the stupidest thing she ever could have done..shes worth billions and hes worth the penny you just picked up off the ground, AND there was no pre-nup:

Mariah Carey got secretly hitched to her 27-year-old boyfriend-of-one-month, shocking the chart-topping songbird’s family and friends, The Post has learned. Carey married little-screen actor Nick Cannon at the home Carey just bought in Eleuthera, the Bahamas, a source close to the singer said. “They have been smitten with each other for days, weeks,” the friend said. “And she’s always had a crush on him.” But not everyone is so over the moon. “There was no pre-nup – there wasn’t time,” said another worried source.

So a rich older lady and a young hustler talking black man rush off to an island and get married with no pre-nup? Oh okay. After Nick kills her off with her Grammy awards the coast of Cancun, Mexico, a good name for his next movie would be, “I Think I Know Where Glitter Went Last Summer”. Yup in the ground!

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Mariah Carey Is Marrying Nick Cannon

It appears Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon have decided to tie the knot. A source close to Carey confirmed to Access Hollywood that the music diva is engaged to Nick Cannon who does nothing all day.

Reps for both singers were unavailable for comment. The couple sent the rumor mill into overdrive when the 38-year-old Carey (with Cannon on her arm) was seen sporting dazzling new bling on her ring finger at the after-party for her Tribeca film, “Tennessee,” in New York. When asked what he loved about Carey, Cannon, 27, said, “Everything.”

I met Nick Cannon once, when I went to MTV. He actually punk’d me because I didnt know who the fuck he was. And now hes marrying Mariah Carey. Hopefully he eats my nuts for breakfast.

UPDATE: Nick gave Mariah the same ring he gave his ex-fiancee. Nick Cannon rules!

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Mariah Carey Just Fired Someone On GMA

A techie at Good Morning America probably just got the bitching out of a lifetime Mariah Carey’s back-up track completely fucked up during her performance of Touch My Body. At least she was actually singing over it though no Ashlee Simpson here.

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Mariah Carey: I’d Feel Violated Having A Kid

Mariah Carey’s maybe almost 40, and almost considered a MILF with no kids, but she’s in no rush to procreate. Despite having a really nice rack. I guess she likes banging all the black guys she can find. NY Daily News reports:

“I don’t think I could properly educate a child right now. Maybe in the future, but I actually haven’t thought about it.” Carey said having children would leave her feeling “violated… I know that’s a kind of weird thing to say, but that’s how I am. You gotta take care of yourself,” she said. “You have to try and stay pretty, you know.”

You have to try and stay pretty. I know right..Shit..I mean you need to keep yourself tight for every blackman that walks right on by. And if you have a kid, they just make your cha cha even looser. You gotta asked yourself who wants that. Besides kids are a pain in the ass. I just bought mine on Ebay at age 16, skipped the whole childhood thing. Let someone else be an idiot and handle it.

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Ashlee Simpson Is Trying To Fuck Mariah Carey

Like most lead singles, Touch My Body, Mariah Carey’s first single off her new album, E=MC2, was released prior to the album’s official launch date of April 15th, but several more tracks have been suspiciously leaked online. Why, who hatched this diabolical scheme? Ashlee Simpson, of course. KBS Radio says:

Industry insiders believe Ashlee Simpson’s camp may be responsible for leaking songs off Mariah Carey’s new album in hopes of it creating less competition for the 23-year-old, whose album drops a week after the record-setting “diva.” A source told MSNBC, “Joe Simpson has every right to be nervous about Ashlee going up against Mariah. They are backed into a corner with this release date since they already changed it once. Their only option in fighting the Mariah machine would be to create a way to make the album’s release less newsworthy.”…Simpson’s Bittersweet World was originally set to be released in late 2007, but at the last minute was pushed back to April 22, 2008.”

Ashlee Simpson’s album must be coming out like the Holy Bible. I mean has she ever had a hit single and if she did I dont remember it at all. I sounds like this is bullshit. But its good bullshit nevertheless, sometimes you have to stand in aw of the greatest bullshit story ever told. The Bible. Funny how Ashlee can keep a man, Jessica not really.

UPDATE: Please insert dick into Ashlee’s mouth to watch it grow.

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